Life in a nuclear family is predictable. A dad, a mom, one . . . two kids max . . .maybe even grandparents, or a pet. Clashing schedules, busy work hours, raging tempers, sissy fits . . . . seems like a plateful ain't it? But eh! yeh kya cheez hai?! Ask anyone . . . after the thrill and confusion of living in a joint family, a family of just four seems too dry, too boring. The masala and nonsense of joint families can never be matched by just four dudes!
Indians have long been known for having strong family ties and it was only decades ago, when we started aping the west and breaking away from joint families to start nests of our own. I, myself coming from a nuclear family, never really understood the allure of a joint one. Don't get me wrong . .my family is pretty close knit . .with my cousins, aunts and uncles staying just a stone's throw away . . . but it just isn't the same thing. I had my first taste of the power of community living only this summer, on a trip to Chennai and Bangalore . . . and let me tell you . . . IT BLEW MY MIND!
It was raining boys. Lemme explain . . . summer is always a favourite for arranging functions . . .with the reason being almost everyone can make it. Tamilians are no exception. Punal or the 'thread wearing' ceremony which is performed for every Brahmin boy when he comes of age was the pick of the season.
I shuttled back and fourth between Chennai, Hyderabad and Bangalore to visit my scattered relatives. Pretty far relations . . let me tell you . . but nobody cares if you're twice removed or related from their side of the family. You are simply welcome! Indians (if I'm not wrong) follow the policy of 'The more the merrier' and true dat! Throughout the summer I had flowers in my hair and sapad ( traditional tamilian cuisine) stuffed down my throat! After two weeks of scarfing down the same thing, my bro and I were yearning for a burger like you wouldn't believe!
I'm not really good at remembering names and stuff so I pretty much looked like a fool when relatives started pouring in and asking 'Arrey beta? Remember me?!' I would smile uneasily and turn to my parents who would shake their head and step in to do damage control. I mean its not really my fault! Did you know my paternal grandfather had 11 siblings! Family bolo! But still by the end of my Chennai trip I was fairly successful in memorising a few names and quite a few faces. And it felt good! I mean, when people who you've hardly met, tied to you only by blood, come up to you and shower you with love . . .you feel blessed.
I guess such occasions are hard to get, so they make every one count! And even though . . many times I felt stifled and like a test rat in laboratory . .poked and prodded at . . it was worth every minute. Seeing my parents and grandparents joy of meeting up with and the pride in introducing myself and my brother to old acquaintances gave me a warm, content sort of feeling.
And then we were on the move again. We were back in my hometown, the city of my birth, Bengaluru! Here I was not quite so clueless, for the folks I was here to see were the kind of people you never forget. It was the punal of my second cousin, Aditya. The only cousin our age which makes him all the more dear to my brother and I. I strolled in feeling confident and smug like a villain twirling his moustache! Ha! I knew what to expect THIS time! And BAM! Again I was proved wrong! I felt like someone had picked me up and placed me in the middle of a play where all the actors had forgotten their lines and none of the props were in place. Not to say I didn't like it . . . I actually did like it . .the confusion, it made me see everyone as my own, no differences or lines drawn . . . I called all the grandmothers pati there ( Tamil for . .you guessed it! Grandmother!) and on many an occasion . . . I felt like my cousins were my siblings. It was a pleasant feeling indeed.
My cousin, his younger sister, my brother, another cousin and I totally tripped out! Our afternoons were spent playing monopoly and our evenings in the park. Aditya, my brother and I would often steal away for some 'big people' talk leaving the younger ones pouting and we would discuss the topics under the sun! My mom's cousin and his wife (My mama and mami ) were the real stars of the show, they planned the whole program to go off without a hitch . . . providing a real pleasant ride for the rest of us and giving us ample time to socialize and catch up with what was going on with whom.
We visited some old friends too and had a blast. After 5 years of not seeing each other . .it was like we were practically strangers . . . yet dejavu soon got the better of us and soon we were filling gap the years had left behind with our chatter.
And the weather just seemed to be mirroring my mood! Cool, pleasant, calm and content. I probably miss the rush for the bathroom early in the mornings and my cousins the most. At the end of the trip I was sad to go indeed. I had discovered a writer in Aditya, a nautanki in his sister Keerthana and surprisingly a team player in myself. On many occasions the most I want is to be left alone . . . yet on this trip, with even no time to breathe I wanted people around me all the time. Maybe it might have gotten old after a while and maybe I might have begun to yearn for my space again. I do know the share of problems that comes from living in joint families but this trip convinced me that all that is a small price to pay for receiving the unconditional love of family.
I don't see us actually living in a joint family in the near future . . .but I am sure of one thing! The next time my parents book a train to Bengaluru or Chennai or wherever . . . I'll be the first one packing my suitcase!
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